“There’s a lot of difference between listening and hearing.” – G.K. Chesterton
I am so sorry for how long it has been since my last post. This past two weeks has been full of amazing, crazy moments; many of which I didn’t expect the Lord to speak into or show me things but He did. It’s funny, while preparing for this internship, I kept asking good for miraculous and wonderful signs from heaven concerning things I was seeking the Lord out for, like what college I was supposed to go to, if nursing is the right career to pursue, to confirm if medical missions is what the Lord has in mind for me, etc. You know, all the big stuff that we wish God would just come down on a cloud in the middle of the night and flat out tell us what He has mind. And especially since I was going to Africa, which is a very spiritual place, I figured, “Hey, it can happen! I’ll be in Africa. Crazy things happen in Africa.” To tell you the truth though, I have been here almost 2 months and I have not had the experience in the middle of the night watching God come down in a cloud and Him giving me a giant checklist for my future. Instead, through his gentle, kind nature, He has used His Ugandian children to show what is on His heart concerning these things I ponder about. No smoke and flashing lights; just simplicity and love.
Amazing that He took me all the way to Northern Uganda for me to get this quality of Him. I asked Him this question the other day, “Exactly why Lord did you bring me here?” I was not wondering my purpose here, just I was curious as to why it took this trip, number eleven for me missional, for me to finally get a crucial part of who He is. And do you know what He said to me? He goes, in the kind, gentle way that He does, “You were too busy in the States, wondering and worrying and filling your days with work. Your mind was so focused on other things that you had no time for just us to hang out in My Presence and listen.”
He’s right. I didn’t listen. I listened in the sense that when He asked me to come here and told me He would provide the means financially, I did as He asked and He did all that He said He would. But I just remember when I would lay in bed and night and pray and ask Him about the big things on my heart, I expected Him to be like a genie and just give me an answer. I wasn’t spending time with Him everyday, I was not indulging in the amazing relationship that we can have with Him. He was just another thing on the list, someone I had to pray to every morning and night, maybe do a devotional every other day, depending on if I had time or not. It was like a chore, sometimes. Everything else was my daily bread and butter or jelly…maybe some eggs were also included in there. But here, I can not go through the day without spending a good half hour with Him, reading His word, and speaking to Him about everything on my mind and all that I am experiencing. He has become real for me, like as if He is truly there and cares and I see Him all around me everyday.
I can’t remember many moments in the US where I felt this at peace and here I am in a region just ripped apart by war that ended only eight years ago and horrific atrocities and horrendous poverty and I feel so comfortable and loved and joyful. I eat beans and POSHO every day, I have to hand wash my clothes, I shower by bucket and I am the most happy! My days are filled with incredible, amazing, loving children, brothers and sisters that the Lord uses daily to show Himself to me. “Don’t fret about the big stuff. It will all work out. I will guide you where you need to go. Think about how I made a way for you to graduate a year early, starting all the way back in 6th grade, where you had no idea that this was my plan for you. I orchestrated all your classes and you didn’t even have a clue. You wondered so much last year about why you had to do this difficult task and only 2 weeks after graduation, I revealed to you what I had in mind. Why do you worry so much? See how I have rescued these children and have taken care of them since day one? Why don’t you think that I will not take care of you?”
He has plans for us, dear brothers and sisters. But sometimes we need to just stop the business, stop the crazy schedules, and remember to make each day His. He is always speaking and it is essential that we stop and listen. He is our Daily Bread, or POSHO and beans, and He is all that we need.